THE NEW EWE

"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!'"

Luke 15:4-6

December 15, 2021

LIFE IN THE FOLD:

Last week I wrote about how we deal with changes, in so many different ways, throughout our lifetime. Changes in our appearance, our life situations, birth and deaths; and changes in such things as nature and seasons..... just to name a few.

But the One who never changes and will always remain the same is Jesus!

One of the most difficult changes that we go through in life is the death of loved ones. It can be life-changing to us personally, and our families, in so many different ways. Family gatherings are never quite the same with them gone. As the years go by and more and more family pass away, it brings about even more changes, and feelings of loss is even greater.

Death in families often brings about changes in how holidays are celebrated. Old traditions are gone, and it can bring about feelings of depression and loneliness; especially when looking in on other families activities and traditions, and the joy that they share. If we aren't careful, we can begin to feel as if everyone else has a houseful of family and are having a great time, and self-pity begins to take hold.

The truth is, there comes a time in our lives when new traditions need to be made and we stop grieving over the ones that have been lost. Different doesn't mean that they can't be just as special and meaningful. We have to create traditions that younger generations can enjoy and remember.

I'm going to use myself as an example in this, because I know myself better than anyone else, so have the right to talk about myself and my situation.

The first real family Christmas tradition that I remember is my mom's family getting together on Christmas Eve evening for what they called "The Parton Supper". My mom came from a large family of ten kids, and they all lived close together, except for the oldest daughter. So there were a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins when we all got together! Everyone brought potluck, and it was a time of eating and visiting and being together.

Mama was number 8 out of 10 kids. I was the youngest girl cousin, with only three boys being younger than I. So by the time I got old enough to really remember, all of the older cousins were getting married and having kids of their own and the family was multiplying. So when I was probably 7-8 years old, we stopped getting together.

Then my mom passed away when I was 15. My dad remarried when I was 17, and moved to my stepmother's house. All of this changed holidays and how they were celebrated. Daddy had 5 kids and grandkids, June had 5 kids and grandkids, so there were a lot of family on both sides when they married. Since most were adults, we got along well, but didn't really bond as closely as we would have if we had been raised up together. So our family had our family holiday celebrations, and June's family had theirs at a different time. That's what worked for everyone and we were all happy with that arrangement.

All four of my sisters married young enough to have children; but I was almost 40 when Jon and I got married. We didn't have children. It would be easy at times to feel sorry for myself on holidays, knowing that my sisters were with their kids and grandkids. Even though we often get together with one of my sisters and her family, there are times when they want to have family time with only their family, which is understandable.

I have seen individuals post on social media or have heard them say that since their parents have passed away, holidays just aren't the same anymore. That's right; they aren't! But then they go on to say that things along the lines that they are never with family on holidays (sometimes, it's because most of their family have passed away).... that they are always alone.... that they hate the holidays..... etc.

What I really want to tell them is to make your own special traditions! Don't grieve for what used to be, because those years are only memories now and can't be recreated. Don't stop celebrating and finding ways to enjoy yourself, because of changes in your family and loss. Find ways to make the holidays, whether it be Christmas or any other special holiday, unique and special for yourself and others. Don't stop living and enjoying life! It will look different than it did in the past, but it can still be a time to create new memories.

Growing up, we always opened our gifts on Christmas eve. When I was little, we would come home from the Parton supper, read the Christmas story and then open presents. Perhaps that's how my grandparents did it. So after the Parton's stopped getting together, my family would eat together and then afterwards open gifts.

Jon's family did not open presents on Christmas eve, and he thought I was a little crazy when I suggested such a thing when we first got married. We still have this discussion every year. My sisters all open presents with their kids and grandkids on Christmas eve. So Jon and I generally compromise to make each of us happy. We open some on Christmas eve, then open our stockings and maybe a couple gifts on Christmas morning. Jon knows that every Christmas eve, I'm going to start asking to open our presents. For me, that's how it's supposed to be done and tradition; for Jon, it's not.

Several years ago, when my niece and her husband had kids, she asked Jon and I if we would deliver her kids Santa gifts to their house on Christmas eve. So she lets us know when they have left to go celebrate Christmas with my sister (her mom) and the family. She leaves milk and cookies for Santa before they leave. Jon and I go over and deliver the Santa gifts for the kids, and generally pick up gifts for the parents (from Santa!). Jon will eat the cookies, and dump out the milk, because they have a cat and he's afraid that cat may drink from the glass before we get there! This has become a fun tradition for the two of us. We usually will go out to eat somewhere after we have delivered the Santa gifts. I don't think that the kids have ever figured out exactly how the gifts get there while they are gone!

Another tradition that I started a few years ago was having an early Christmas party for my sisters and their daughter, daughter-in-laws, and granddaughters each year. We have probably done it for 7-8 years now. The second Saturday in November, we all gather at my home for lunch. I decorate early for Christmas and have my tree up. Everyone brings finger foods. I buy gifts for the younger girls; then we ladies all bring a $5-$10 gift for a fun gift exchange. Several can't come and it is pretty much the same group each year, but it is something that those who come all look forward to and love. My sisters come the night before, if possible, and we all spend the night together and usually do a little gift exchange between us. I have it early in November, before everyone gets so busy between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is great fun!! The men and boys will get together while we girls are partying and go out to eat and then go to play games or do something for a couple hours or so.

Jon and I buy gifts for my sister who lives nearby and her family. I have babysat her daughter's and her oldest son's kids over the past twelve years. They get something for me and Jon, and we get gifts for them. The week of Christmas, we find time to go to their homes and deliver the gifts and have our own little celebrations with each family.

We generally find time to get together with Jon's mom and some of his family around Christmastime.

On Christmas day we get together for lunch with my sister and some of her kids.

Should I sit around each year during the Christmas season and think about how things used to be and how they have changed and no longer are, I would be miserable. My dad passed away in 2007 and my stepmother a couple years ago. Mama passed away in 1981. My sisters have grown kids and grandkids, and have their own celebrations with their families. Jon's dad passed away a few years ago, and his mom lives in a senior independent living apartment. We don't have kids and grandkids. All of my Parton aunts and uncles have all passed away. Nothing is as it once was. So I had to make a choice of making new traditions and making the holiday season special and fun for myself and Jon; or isolating ourselves and having pity parties.

I want to encourage you, if you have not done so, to think of creative traditions you can begin with your family. Things may have changed over the years and you are having a difficult time finding joy during the Christmas season. You may not feel like celebrating and grieve for the past. Do something to make this season special, not only for yourself, but for others.

I have a good friend and both of her parents and her only brother have all passed away. Her in-laws are, also, gone. But when she started having grandkids, she decided to start a new tradition that has become anticipated and special to all of her grandkids over the years. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, she takes each of them shopping all by themselves to pick out gifts for their parents and siblings. Then she lets them pick out where they want to go out to eat. Her oldest grandson is in his mid to late 20's now, and still looks forward to doing this with her each year.

I do understand that the main focus of Christmas is Jesus and that He is the reason that we celebrate! But when we are feeling depressed, lonely, have self-pity, sad....... it's very difficult to celebrate Him. We tend to become focused on our feelings and what we've lost or no longer have. But when we celebrate with others, find joy in activities of the season, make special new traditions, make memories for younger generations.... then we have that inner joy, and celebrating Jesus is much easier.

Take a drive through neighborhoods and look at lights. Go Christmas caroling to friends' and families' houses. Have a party with the girls (or guys) in your family. Take the grandkids shopping. Find someone in your church who is alone or a family who has had a tough year and do something kind for them. Be creative! But celebrate and enjoy this season of celebrating Jesus coming to earth!!

JON'S PERSPECTIVE:

My parents used to go to my sister's home in Texas each Thanksgiving. After Dad got to a point where he couldn't travel easily, they had to give up that tradition. After he passed away, Mom didn't pick the tradition back up.

Sometimes the traditions that are tied to someone we lose can be hard. On one side, they can keep us dwelling on them and how much we miss them. But it can also be a way to remember them and the good times we've shared.

There is no easy answer. Sometimes we need to let go of a tradition and pick new ones. Other times, we may need to change them. It's a decision each person needs to make for themselves in their own time.

It's just important to look at how each step makes us feel. Is it something that encourages us? Is it something that brings us down? Sometimes choosing whether we are uplifted or torn down starts in which environments we pick. Other times, it is how we look at the situation instead.

ON THE MENEWE:

Granny Schwyhart's Fudge

(This is my favorite fudge recipe! It came from my sister's grandmother-in-law.)

Put evaporated milk and sugar in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Boil for 6 minutes. Stir constantly after 4-1/2 minutes to keep from scorching. In a large bowl, put all of the other ingredients. Pour boiling mixture over ingredients in bowl. Stir until glossy. Pour in buttered dish.

**I like nuts in my fudge and Jon does not. So I pour half of the fudge in one dish and spread out, then stir in the nuts and pour into a second dish.

THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER:

I read this recently (not sure who wrote it) and thought it was interesting to think about and consider:

Did you know that the chopping down of the Christmas tree represents the death of Christ; and putting it back up represents the resurrection of Christ? Did you know that the wreaths we hang are never ending circles that represent eternity? Candy canes were made to look like shepherd hooks and the colors -- red to represent Jesus' blood and white for purity. The gifts, represent the three gifts the wise men brought for baby Jesus.

So when you are running around trying to find the "perfect gift", stop yourself, take a deep breath and remember, we have been given the perfect gift. Jesus Christ was given to us to remove all our sins!

THOUGHT TO PONDER:

She didn't expect to be pregnant. He didn't expect an angel to tell him to marry her anyway.

The shepherds didn't expect the night shift to be anything unusual.

God enters our lives in the most unexpected ways, but always with a perfect plan. - unknown

OUR HEARTFELT THANKS TO YOU:

We love you!

Loretta & Jon

http://www.graysheep.org